We have a winner: LeRoy E. Myers

Ted Stevens honorary Lawmaker of the Week Award: LeRoy E. Myers, Jr, Maryland House of Delegates, District 1C

Open Curtain: LeRoy sits down in his bedroom to watch several torporous hours of old M*A*S*H episodes on YouTube before slipping into an empty vastness of sleep. We watch as he heaves a familiar end-of-the-day sigh, kicks  off his shoes and settles down in front of his laptop and …”DAMN IT! The FRIGGIN’ INTERNET is clogged AGAIN! It’s never does this at work! Those kids next door must be STEALIN' my wireless!”

In most cases this story ends one of three ways: a.) Dude works through the two steps required to set up basic WEP. b.) dude goes wired, or c.) dude deals with having an open router.

In this case, however, dude is a state senator. In such cases, a fourth solution pops up: d.) Legislate, rather than technologically investigate, a way to keep anyone but you off your network. LeRoy recently introduced a bill which proscribes the accessing of an open WAP “ without permission” and thus renders joining an open WAP a gamble, a bet that the network is willfully open.

As Ars Techical calls out, “ The proposal of the bill suggests that Myers would rather see this legislated than learn how to set up wireless security.” 

Once again the public good is left at the chilly intersection of ownership-mania and aninsulated legislative body of techno-cultural laggards.

Examples: 

Ted Stevens Anti-net neutrality rantings

The general nonsense of the 90s leading up the DMCA

*DING DING DING*

Time for the Ted Stevens honorary Lawmaker of the Week Lightning Round!!!

The prize this week: A brightly colored Thing of unspecified form, function, and build quality. 

QUESTION: What is the personal legislative priority that LeRoy is speaking about in the following quote:

"People are making a joke out of it, but I think it's a pretty serious problem. You have body parts hanging from the hitches of cars. We've crossed a line.

ANSWERS (Choose the single best answer):

A: Ending the narrow, but growing, trend towards "deer driving," wherein the remains of any animal struck by ones car are left dangling as a sort of road trophy.

B: Coming down hard on a serious of pranks involving false limbs that had resulted in a general uproar in several communities in his district, including a false arrest.

C: Banning drivers from showing their manhood externally in the form of rubber nutsacks, which got him a bunch of calls from old ladies who'd apparently never seen them before.

D: Building a "zombie highway" so the damned things will stop mucking up our fenders with their undead remains.

✄